The PIT of Despair

During this life we each have spent time in a dark place, in a pit of despair and we question "If there is a God, why am I suffering?" Many wonder where was God when jets crashed into the twin towers, and thousands of good people along with many church going Christians perished. The deep incomprehensible pain after 911 was not easy for thousands of the survivors.  This kind of terror stunned even the most devout.  The United States was awakened to the reality of evil after Pearl Harbor, and on September 11, 2001.  Each citizen was shaken to the core and moved to cling more tightly to the truth, that the earth as we know it, is NOT our eternal home, or simply implode with no hope for the future.  We each have a choice to grow emotionally and spiritually stronger as we pass through the fires of this life, or faint and disintegrate into the pit of hopelessness. Many unhappy citizens of planet earth "TRY GOD" on their human terms. If God does not appear and respond according to their expectations, they quickly determine that faith in God does not work. Stuck in a pit of despair, they try other Gods. They may temporarily distract themselves from their emptiness with superficial relationships, or any number of pursuits or activities. Depression leaves us in the fetal position of despair. Share this short clip with anyone you know who is stuck in the pit of hopelessness:      In our urban society there is a belief that God simply wants us all to be happy, or that God does not exist. Those same folks with slippery beliefs choose to blame God for all gloom, stormy times, 911, their divorce, or for any lost dream.  A wildly popular thought is nurtured in the minds of the lost by the great deceiver who whispers "There is no such thing as God, because if God cared, He would have prevented this tragedy."

Americans long ago tossed God out of schools, the court room, and Wallstreet. Our Father does not force Himself on anyone and He does not return to those who choose to reject Him. "Trust in God" is on the face of every American coin, but do we Trust God in times of trouble? Many have chosen to follow the easy way, to simply satisfy their human desire and believe that all religions lead to God. Many believe that each individual has the freedom to choose which way FEELS right, to them. --- In 2014 to BE politically correct, those who lack the wisdom of God TOLERATE everything --- To obtain the popular vote, the minds of non-believers and many believers simply choose to GO WITH THE FLOW. Attempting to avoid upsetting anyone, many strive to win the approval of peers, family, or constituents. The world's cunning MYTHICAL message is broadcast daily in the news. We seek to be like a local HERO, a man made super star or get to the top no matter what. All this idol worship eventually proves unsatisfying.  The media promotes the belief that we must accept that TRUTH is ---- whatever is TRUE for each individual.  FACT: Truth is found in God's unchanging word. Our true friend Jesus Christ shares light and salt. Many myths exist in the mind of man regarding our eternal fate. Today RELATIVITY = the absence of absolute truth. This generation is shown in song, on film daily that what is wrong is right, that whatever is down will on its own rebound, and that the perfect politician can fix the economy. Like Alice in Wonderland, the world is a confusing rabbit chase of glamour, glitz and fame. Some folks worship gold, dogs, trees, statues, Hollywood legends, fame, athletes, rock stars, or the freedom to be the most pleasing Snow White, Mommy, Daddy, or Fashionista. Today absolute TOLERANCE ---NOT Truth --- RULES! --- In the media, in the home, in politics, TOLERANCE is the worst sin of all. Any God opposing TRUTHS regarding: methods of parenting, same sex marriage, abortion, what is relative, what is true, Who God is, thoughts about the devil, or evil is absolutely INTOLERABLE to a holy God! A world wide web of lies exposes the wise and the innocent to instant data, facts, research, and opposition to any position taken about any one thing....BUT,  IS IT TRUTH? Does it honor God?  Trusting in God's word is to have confidence in a grand ETERNAL future that is far superior to anything we enjoy on earth.

Our human definition of happiness shifts - because we are highly influenced by fleeting events. The JOY of the Lord is rock steady, it is eternal and consistent, regardless of circumstance. The goal of most people is "To just be happy" But God's perfect plan is to deliver us from the temporary and transport us into His eternal Love, Joy and Peace. The MYTH that WHATEVER makes us happy, makes God happy --- is to think that a human knows the mind of God. As long as we are satisfied with what we believe, we can then slide positively from one truth to another. Being righteously intolerant is to say "Hey, I like you, but your actions are offensive to God and to me." Hollywood promotes tolerance for all issues. Human weakness is that we all strive to be liked by our peers. Who we become depends on the thoughts we adopt. God's thoughts or man's thoughts about God? We get to CHOOSE to put on the full armor of God and care more about what God sees and hears, or we choose to put on the thoughts of man in order to be tolerated, or liked. No person that you admire in this world can lift you out of the pit of despair.  God can, and He does.

Images and words are directly aimed at our spiritual souls ~ they encourage us to buy what we do not need, and to TOLERATE all the ways of an evolving world.  Freedom is translated by a lost generation to mean that we are not accountable to God. That our behavior cannot offend a God that does not exist. This world celebrates madness! The truth is WRITTEN: "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:12-13 God also warned: "And to whom did He swear that they would not enter His rest, but to those who did not obey? So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief" Hebrews 3:18-19 now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in

spirit and truth.” The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.” Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am He.” John 4:24  ~ The cause of DESPAIR in the world is this: Lies, cheating, murdering, stealing, mixed up sexuality, and gossip.  It is our choices that spins the MADNESS into each script of most television shows. The world broadcasts boldly that "ANYTHING we DO or SAY is OKAY" Commercials are designed to change the mind so that we buy whatever is being sold. We then find pleasure in dark places that cannot satisfy the soul's thirst for truth --- DENIAL protects our secret desire for peace. God created us before the foundations of the world, He knows our hearts, He knows our thoughts, He knows our human weakness, and He gave us access to the truth, to His wisdom, to His perfect ways ~ and He gave us the freedom to choose Him above the ways of the world, the lost, the deceived, the deprived. God placed in each soul a yearning for truth, a need for divine love that never rejects --- and a love that is merciful. BE YE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND ~ IT IS WRITTEN: "While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them; and suddenly a voice came out of the cloud, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!” And when the disciples heard it, they fell on their faces and were greatly afraid. But Jesus touched them and said,  “Arise, and DO NOT be afraid.” Matthew 17 -  Invite Jesus to reveal Himself to you.

Almighty God waits patiently for us to ask Jesus to assure us that we are loved as we are. Ask God to give you eyes to see beyond the visible, and ears to hear His voice. Ask Jesus to come into your heart and give you new life. Receive the TRUTH of JESUS, the Son of God as your ETERNAL Father, the Lover of your soul and receive His unconditional love, joy, peace. Surrender the knowledge begotten of the internet, a friend, a family member, the misguided teachings of a world gone mad. Surrender to the MIND OF CHRIST and be changed in a twinkling! Be satiated with His living water! The scales on your eyes will be lifted and you will understand that what happens in Vegas, does not stay in Vegas, but that the serpent of evil corrupts the mind against the simplicity in Christ. If we choose to broadcast the TRUTH that God does not approve of all ways to His throne, we are mocked as silly bible thumpers. ABSOLUTE TRUTH does exist ---and God wrote to tell us repeatedly in the book of John - "I tell you the truth". As Ambassadors of Christ, we are God's feet, hands and mouth. When we speak God's TRUTH, we are called lunatics and judged as INTOLERANT by those that love their life in this world. "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."  John 12:25 -- "Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were

of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are NOT — to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corin 1:1-31 - Let us believe God at His word, that He loves us.  Let us forgive ourselves as we are forgiven and LAUGH about our foolish past and rejoice in our NEW heart. Let us boast of what the Lord has spoken in our ear! IT IS WRITTEN: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life. Most assuredly, I say to you, the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God; and those who hear will live. For as the Father has life in Himself, so He has granted the Son to have life in Himself, and has given Him authority to execute judgment also, because He is the Son of Man." John 5:24-27 - "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:20-22

Good Grief

My son Jason moved in with Jesus in 2016. I chose to share my grief journey in hopes of helping other moms who have lost a loved one. Vivid dreams awakened me, and I allowed tears to flow. It is always important to embrace our humanity and weep at times. My Lord's Word refreshed my spirit as He reminded me that a cheerful heart is good medicine. To maintain the joy of the Lord, I chose to abide in His Presence through it all. A time for grief, a pause for memories, and a choice to rejoice in all the Lord has done. My Lord has kept my tears in a jar and He grieves with me. To mourn is to respect Jay's life, and remembering is a holy, healthy thing to do. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" Psalm 126:5 -- My hearts cry was heard and our loving Father returned to me a song of thanksgiving. I am assured that my son is forever in the holy presence of Jesus. However, the pain of never hugging my son on this earth, ever again…returns unexpectedly, months and even a year after his shockingly sudden death.  Extreme emotions yet emerge when I hear the lyrics of songs that we sang together. On the first anniversary of Jay's reunion with our Father, it is in his honor that I lodged some great memories. Music was always a part of our jointly shared joys in this life.  Jason loved to groove to Motown tunes and he displayed his soul on the dance floor.  He made me laugh until I snarkled!  We took many country drives together, windows down with our playlists loudly blasting.  He savored our sweet Mother’s day and Father's day adventures on the road and I can hear him say to me “no worries Momma, it’s all good!” Father's day 2013 was the best Jason ever had.  We rented a cabin at Tower Park in Lodi on the river and Jason was the Captain of the boat that day!  His dog Bella was our mascot and his aunt Sue and cousin David joined us for that glorious weekend. Jason underlined this scripture "My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 28:7 - On board a cruise ship in 2017 Nicole C Mullen sang "My Redeemer Lives" and my body trembled as my Lord gave me this scripture "He brought His people out with JOY, His chosen ones with singing." Psalm 105:43 ESV - Jesus took Jason out of this world of trouble and heartache, and Jesus chose Jason  - who loved to worship at his church "Lifesong" in Stockton, California!

When Jason was thirteen I took him to his first concert. It was to hear Kenny Loggins at the AG Spanos Center and the most recent was an outdoor performance, in the rain, with Katie and Diana in the Bay area.  Another vivid memory includes busting a gut laughing while Snipe fishing at Lake Alpine shortly before Jay’s dad died.  My son never lost his child-like wonder or the absolute joy of welcoming a new job, or a new friend into his life’s shortened experience.  At Jay’s memorial,  several of his friends stood up to share memories and at the luncheon afterwards one tall man came to tell me that Jason was the glue, the guy who brought two rivalry schools together.  Tom Simmons shared that in the last few months of his life,  Jason’s thirst for the Word of God grew.  He shared Jason’s joy in reading the psalms each morning.   As his mother  I am comforted in knowing --- with full assurance that Jason accepted “His way is right for me.”  There was a lifelong spiritual battle going on for Jason's soul and I Praise God that in the end, our Lord got the victory and won!

On Easter Sunday 2016 Jason was overjoyed that his sister and her family came to his church.  Jason came to fascinate over his ways that had led him away from God, and the unconditional love, mercy and grace he received when he returned to His holy heavenly Father.   Jesus, our Savior tied faith and tears together when He declared “Blessed are those who mourn”  Matthew 5:4 --- Grieving has no time limit as it engages blessed memories of the giant physical presence,  of my son who I shall continue to miss. My grief is a gift that persists on a planet that continues to spin without Jason’s loving, gentle heart standing nearby on it.  Surviving parents need permission to not suppress a sudden violent storm of emotion.  A song, a smell, a shared vista may suddenly trigger a flood of tears. Cloudy, misty eyed days may end in another night of sleepless thrashing.  The hard reality of life without my son wakes me like a slap in the face.  One, two, three

days pass and my grief seems to have subsided and life’s simple joys bring me the confident thought that “I’m doing good”, but then, without warning an avalanche of regret buries me in a grave of grief.   Grieving pays no attention to time, stages, patterns or rules.  Do not worry if you bypassed the “angry at God” stage.  My faith in Jesus Christ and His victory over death will not diminish my grief, nor shall it speak of a measure of my personal  “lack of faith”.  In the book of Hebrews, chapter 12 a few of the listed hero’s of faith were indeed imperfect and at times wobbled in their faith in God.  Grieving parents take heart in the truth.  Each hero listed was  given God’s strength in their weakness. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones.” Psalm 116:15 – No matter how short or long of a time it takes, grief is important to share.  Raw and unfiltered feelings need to come out. If I pushed my feelings down, they would suffocate my soul and I would be subject to lengthy bouts of depression. Without my faith in Jesus I would be inconsolable. Because I believe God's Word and His promises,  I know I'm going to see Jason again.  He is way better off now, and more alive now than he ever was on earth and that is saying a lot. Jason will never be emotionally or physically hurt again.  I also know, with certainty that God's plan is far superior than my desire to hug Jason here on earth.  Today my Lord gave me strength to write about grief, and He reminded me that it is holy to remember.  Picture of Gina, Marissa and me at Lodi airport.

Ecclesiastes describes all kinds of seasons and there is a time for tears, and a time for laughter.  “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9 – Jason was at peace in his sweet soul before Jesus escorted him to the perfect room in one our Lord's many mansions, Jay's room will be undoubtedly filled with great music and perhaps a view of a lake and hopefully a fluffy dog. Imagining this gives me great comfort and I am deeply grateful to God for giving me an imagination, the largest nation in the world!   Jason Corey Newell,  Yo Momma, Barbara Sue loves you and today I am loving the memories of our last date in Stockton for mother's day August 2015 - It was 108 degrees, we had no air conditioning and you wore that wet rag around your neck, smiling, never complaining! You picked me up from the airport in Sacramento, we stayed at the Best Western in Galt and then we took a drive along the river and had lunch at Al Da Waps in the old town of Locke. You wanted to take me to Micke Grove Zoo, and it was so hot that even the animals hid in the shade and we laughed!  It was like God impressed upon you to make more memories with yo Momma. More Scriptures underlined by Jason in his bible: "Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:2-5 --- "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit. because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-28 --- God poured Agape love into my son's heart and Jason splashed that love all over those he was with.  Jay was certainly nudged by the Spirit to drive his mother to Grupe Park in Stockton to hang out where day "boyz" played hoop. 

You dropped me off at Diana's house and the next day we went to the movies in Lodi to see the "War Room" and Jason wept. We played with three happy black wet retrievers at Aunt Paula's and swam in her pool in Acampo.  Before taking me to the airport we stopped along the river and watched the first football game of the season and shared a burger. ALL GREAT MEMORIES - Today yo momma is listening to a Motown playlist with Marvin Gaye at the top. "What's Going On" --I love you BIG Jason Newell!

"Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father -- We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on - what's going on
Ah, what's going on
In the mean time...
Right on, baby, Right on

Mother, mother, everybody thinks we're wrong...
Oh, but who are they to judge us...
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way -To bring some understanding here today

Talk to me - So you can see - What's going on - Ya, what's going on - Tell me what's going on" Yeah my son, I'm still talking to you about what's going on...with me, I'm missing you!  September 10, 2015 was the last day God blessed me with a day with my son, in the sun.  Jason drove me to the Sacramento airport and "our" plan was to see each other again Mothers Day 2016. Click link for pictures of
Jason Corey Newell Eternal Tribute