Good Grief

My son Jason moved in with Jesus in 2016. I chose to share my grief journey in hopes of helping other moms who have lost a loved one. Vivid dreams awakened me, and I allowed tears to flow. It is always important to embrace our humanity and weep at times. My Lord's Word refreshed my spirit as He reminded me that a cheerful heart is good medicine. To maintain the joy of the Lord, I chose to abide in His Presence through it all. A time for grief, a pause for memories, and a choice to rejoice in all the Lord has done. My Lord has kept my tears in a jar and He grieves with me. To mourn is to respect Jay's life, and remembering is a holy, healthy thing to do. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" Psalm 126:5 -- My hearts cry was heard and our loving Father returned to me a song of thanksgiving. I am assured that my son is forever in the holy presence of Jesus. However, the pain of never hugging my son on this earth, ever again…returns unexpectedly, months and even a year after his shockingly sudden death.  Extreme emotions yet emerge when I hear the lyrics of songs that we sang together. On the first anniversary of Jay's reunion with our Father, it is in his honor that I lodged some great memories. Music was always a part of our jointly shared joys in this life.  Jason loved to groove to Motown tunes and he displayed his soul on the dance floor.  He made me laugh until I snarkled!  We took many country drives together, windows down with our playlists loudly blasting.  He savored our sweet Mother’s day and Father's day adventures on the road and I can hear him say to me “no worries Momma, it’s all good!” Father's day 2013 was the best Jason ever had.  We rented a cabin at Tower Park in Lodi on the river and Jason was the Captain of the boat that day!  His dog Bella was our mascot and his aunt Sue and cousin David joined us for that glorious weekend. Jason underlined this scripture "My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 28:7 - On board a cruise ship in 2017 Nicole C Mullen sang "My Redeemer Lives" and my body trembled as my Lord gave me this scripture "He brought His people out with JOY, His chosen ones with singing." Psalm 105:43 ESV - Jesus took Jason out of this world of trouble and heartache, and Jesus chose Jason  - who loved to worship at his church "Lifesong" in Stockton, California!

When Jason was thirteen I took him to his first concert. It was to hear Kenny Loggins at the AG Spanos Center and the most recent was an outdoor performance, in the rain, with Katie and Diana in the Bay area.  Another vivid memory includes busting a gut laughing while Snipe fishing at Lake Alpine shortly before Jay’s dad died.  My son never lost his child-like wonder or the absolute joy of welcoming a new job, or a new friend into his life’s shortened experience.  At Jay’s memorial,  several of his friends stood up to share memories and at the luncheon afterwards one tall man came to tell me that Jason was the glue, the guy who brought two rivalry schools together.  Tom Simmons shared that in the last few months of his life,  Jason’s thirst for the Word of God grew.  He shared Jason’s joy in reading the psalms each morning.   As his mother  I am comforted in knowing --- with full assurance that Jason accepted “His way is right for me.”  There was a lifelong spiritual battle going on for Jason's soul and I Praise God that in the end, our Lord got the victory and won!

On Easter Sunday 2016 Jason was overjoyed that his sister and her family came to his church.  Jason came to fascinate over his ways that had led him away from God, and the unconditional love, mercy and grace he received when he returned to His holy heavenly Father.   Jesus, our Savior tied faith and tears together when He declared “Blessed are those who mourn”  Matthew 5:4 --- Grieving has no time limit as it engages blessed memories of the giant physical presence,  of my son who I shall continue to miss. My grief is a gift that persists on a planet that continues to spin without Jason’s loving, gentle heart standing nearby on it.  Surviving parents need permission to not suppress a sudden violent storm of emotion.  A song, a smell, a shared vista may suddenly trigger a flood of tears. Cloudy, misty eyed days may end in another night of sleepless thrashing.  The hard reality of life without my son wakes me like a slap in the face.  One, two, three

days pass and my grief seems to have subsided and life’s simple joys bring me the confident thought that “I’m doing good”, but then, without warning an avalanche of regret buries me in a grave of grief.   Grieving pays no attention to time, stages, patterns or rules.  Do not worry if you bypassed the “angry at God” stage.  My faith in Jesus Christ and His victory over death will not diminish my grief, nor shall it speak of a measure of my personal  “lack of faith”.  In the book of Hebrews, chapter 12 a few of the listed hero’s of faith were indeed imperfect and at times wobbled in their faith in God.  Grieving parents take heart in the truth.  Each hero listed was  given God’s strength in their weakness. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones.” Psalm 116:15 – No matter how short or long of a time it takes, grief is important to share.  Raw and unfiltered feelings need to come out. If I pushed my feelings down, they would suffocate my soul and I would be subject to lengthy bouts of depression. Without my faith in Jesus I would be inconsolable. Because I believe God's Word and His promises,  I know I'm going to see Jason again.  He is way better off now, and more alive now than he ever was on earth and that is saying a lot. Jason will never be emotionally or physically hurt again.  I also know, with certainty that God's plan is far superior than my desire to hug Jason here on earth.  Today my Lord gave me strength to write about grief, and He reminded me that it is holy to remember.  Picture of Gina, Marissa and me at Lodi airport.

Ecclesiastes describes all kinds of seasons and there is a time for tears, and a time for laughter.  “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9 – Jason was at peace in his sweet soul before Jesus escorted him to the perfect room in one our Lord's many mansions, Jay's room will be undoubtedly filled with great music and perhaps a view of a lake and hopefully a fluffy dog. Imagining this gives me great comfort and I am deeply grateful to God for giving me an imagination, the largest nation in the world!   Jason Corey Newell,  Yo Momma, Barbara Sue loves you and today I am loving the memories of our last date in Stockton for mother's day August 2015 - It was 108 degrees, we had no air conditioning and you wore that wet rag around your neck, smiling, never complaining! You picked me up from the airport in Sacramento, we stayed at the Best Western in Galt and then we took a drive along the river and had lunch at Al Da Waps in the old town of Locke. You wanted to take me to Micke Grove Zoo, and it was so hot that even the animals hid in the shade and we laughed!  It was like God impressed upon you to make more memories with yo Momma. More Scriptures underlined by Jason in his bible: "Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:2-5 --- "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit. because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-28 --- God poured Agape love into my son's heart and Jason splashed that love all over those he was with.  Jay was certainly nudged by the Spirit to drive his mother to Grupe Park in Stockton to hang out where day "boyz" played hoop. 

You dropped me off at Diana's house and the next day we went to the movies in Lodi to see the "War Room" and Jason wept. We played with three happy black wet retrievers at Aunt Paula's and swam in her pool in Acampo.  Before taking me to the airport we stopped along the river and watched the first football game of the season and shared a burger. ALL GREAT MEMORIES - Today yo momma is listening to a Motown playlist with Marvin Gaye at the top. "What's Going On" --I love you BIG Jason Newell!

"Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father -- We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on - what's going on
Ah, what's going on
In the mean time...
Right on, baby, Right on

Mother, mother, everybody thinks we're wrong...
Oh, but who are they to judge us...
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way -To bring some understanding here today

Talk to me - So you can see - What's going on - Ya, what's going on - Tell me what's going on" Yeah my son, I'm still talking to you about what's going on...with me, I'm missing you!  September 10, 2015 was the last day God blessed me with a day with my son, in the sun.  Jason drove me to the Sacramento airport and "our" plan was to see each other again Mothers Day 2016. Click link for pictures of
Jason Corey Newell Eternal Tribute

 

DENIAL DEFINED

Once upon a time, in the midst of a self-made-mid-life crisis, when my frustrations and delusions overwhelmed me, I had a slight glimpse of truth, a heart exposing revelation. That in my campaign to change people, I trampled over boundaries as I pridefully criticized world leaders, my family, friends and the church! Denial kept me blind to my foolish attempts to control people and my environment.  My world of contempt ended when I realized that I was not God and my only option was to surrender my will to His will. "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall." 1 Corin 10:12 -  In 1997, as I sat in a church in Santa Cruz, I began comparing the joy and peace I witnessed in others, with the sad truth that I was not happy.  I could not stop the tears!  Who was this woman named Grace that Pastor Chip Ingram was talking about?  I so wanted what they all seemed to have, but at that time, I was unable to be healed, because of my stiff necked DENIAL.  Wishing I could be anybody else, my heart silently grieved, and my happy-all-is-well-in-my-soul mask finally cracked.

My fake smile began to pucker under the pressure to APPEAR perfect. "Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." Jesus went on to say "Happy are the merciful, the peacemakers, the pure in heart, and those who mourn." His sermon on the mount certainly shed much needed light on the foolishness of my ways. The prison of DENIAL had me locked behind the bars of obsessive thinking!  Whose thoughts had I been churning?  Furious thoughts tossed back and forth in my head like a heated tennis match.  "The world should, my mate should, my kid should, the church should, that government should, that politicians should, and that God should change His silent, patient ways and just fix it! "  These demanding thoughts were NOT from God!  God is forgiving and He issues grace daily, whether I recognize and receive it or not. His mercy is new every morning, and His grace was sufficient to save a wretch like me!  What a NUISANCE I was to myself and everyone around me!  Because I "shoulded" all over God, and all over everyone else, I had to admit that

I was the creator of strife in each relationship, including the chasm I caused between the One true and Holy God. In retrospect, my deepest despair was in the trouble I had in accepting and loving others as they are...and the world as it is... as Jesus does..... and NOT as I demand. People who are in DENIAL, want what they want, and they deceive themselves in thinking that they have the ability to change others, and the world, according to their will, ways and perfect preferences. As an overly critical person, for way too long I DEPENDED on myself, NOT GOD,  to initiate all the needed changes so that I could be happy.  I was DEPENDENT on the perfect behaviors of my loved ones for peace to rule in my heart...this was a huge burden for everyone in my life.  When my futile manipulations, subtle suggestions, my blatant blaming, my fits of rage, my all consuming judgements of others became unmanageable--- I collapsed and admitted, I need help.   Today I celebrate my recovery from the stinking thinking of a co-dependent. A co-dependent person depends on people to make them happy. They demand external changes, or insist that others change in order for them to FEEL peace.  The co-dependent me that I was --- HAD TO GIVE; my opinion, my advice, and my help.  My idolatrous devotion to obtaining perfection was nauseating. After honest self-examination, I had to admit that I was pitifully self-sufficient, self-serving, not humble, not kind and not loving and merciful like Jesus. I was certainly NOT reflecting the Light of the world. My aggressive ways to satisfy my NEED to be VALUED and RESPECTED as a person,

eventfully brought me to my knees before the mercy seat of Jesus Christ.  By working the 12 steps and applying the Beatitudes, through the Power of the Holy Spirit, I was enabled to overcome my hurts, habit of stinking thinking, and hang up or hope that the world would change so I could be happy. The saving power of Jesus Christ, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit, established and restored His peace in me.   My part was to surrender my ways, my heart, my desperate needs over to the capable care of Christ.  "Christ in me, His hope for glory"  HALLELUJAH! Admitting that I was powerless to change myself, others or the world was to step out of DENIAL and into RECOVERY.  TRUSTING God with my messy life, REQUIRED that I surrender my hopes, dreams, and desires to His perfect refining purpose in my suffering. God NEVER wastes a single tear or torment. By His conviction to confess, obediently to one another, we are healed.  "Confess your sins to one another so that you may be healed." James 5:16 --- The amazing Grace of God pursued me and He transformed me from an incessantly hungry, unqualified caterpillar, into a butterfly set

FREE from a cocoon of shame. My story: Barbara Sue Alley's ability to trust my father was fractured at the age of 7 when dad molested me and DENIED it. My shocked mother sent me direct to the priest to confess my sin. Shame replaced my innocence as I bowed my head and hoped to be forgiven. My dad rejected me and said "I will never touch you again. You are dead to me."  The consequence of telling the truth to my mother, resulted in my dad's lifelong avoidance of me.  Looking for love in wrong places, at the age of 16 a baby girl was born, removed from my body and adopted away from me. We left the hospital and my mother instructed "We will never speak of this again." My voice or my presence unwanted by my parents,  I chose a life of DENIAL and SECRETS.  Acting as if I was happy became the character I played as the youngest of three kids. My silenced reality was shoved down so deep that I became a natural liar to God, myself and others.  A mighty fortress was erected unconsciously around my heart of stone.  Compassion, mercy or grace were impossible for me to give as I was not open to receive.  My heart grew cold in my secret chamber of fear.  Married or divorced, I regularly and silently sat in Catholic, Baptist, Protestant, Lutheran, Methodist and Unity church pews feeling like an impostor. No matter the denomination, when an alter call was given,  I went forward and got baptized again, and again even after accepting Jesus in 1985 at a Pentecostal church.  "It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." Proverbs 29:25 - Fear of what church folks would think of me,  IF I confessed my shameful past,

kept me silent. A voice, not of God persisted "You will never be acceptable to God" I was unable to trust God with my whole heart, and I held onto my secret shame tightly. For 13 years of church bench warming, endless retreats, seminars, and perfect note taking (all which God used to soften my rocky soil), it was not until 1998, when I was 47 years old, did HOPE begin to rise.  After hearing other broken-hearted, imperfect, hurting women....in Celebrate Recovery, confess their raw hurts, honest fears and feelings of hopelessness... I was moved by the Holy Spirit, to voice my nightmare. God mercifully guided me into Santa Cruz Bible Church, and into a 12 step study for sexually abused women.  After ten months of weekly meetings, and hours with my accountability sponsor, much prayer, and the Holy Spirit showing me truth in scriptures....I came to the END of myself, my pride, my ways. My life long, self-sufficient, leading lady role was over! Gladly I surrendered completely into the capable hands of Christ.  Accepting the Truth that the King of Kings, had not only chosen me, but that He had legally adopted me, as His daughter....that FACT gripped and crushed my stubborn hardened heart.  Loving and forgiving others as I had been by God...with no regrets, no bitterness, completely forgotten, and forever erased...was how God set me on fire for His ability to restore all who FEEL unworthy of His love. I was FREED from shame and the enemy's vicious trap of lies --- for Almighty God's purpose: that I can now courageously share my story, without shame, for what Christ has done in me. "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10

"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40 - Obediently, I tested my ways and was convinced that my way of concealing my pain for over 40 years was foolish. Our Father wants to take our burdens and heal us, but we must submit, we must obey, we must trust Him, with the entire contents of our heart. "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly." Colossians 3:16 - Today I thank God for every struggle, for all things that drew me to Him, and for the tremendous compassion muscles I gained in my suffering. It took the hearing of the word, and the honest confessions of other believers to loosen my tight grip on my shame, and to TRUST GOD. When I chose to truly LET GO and LET GOD, my heavenly Father, have His Holy way "in me", only then was I able to FEEL real JOY for the first time.  Living fully forgiven, and fully restored, I wear His robe of righteousness, and I am enabled to receive His ongoing stream of GRACE and experience His Holy Presence.  His abiding Peace TRULY surpasses all human understanding. Celebrate Recovery is a biblically based 12 Step Program to RESTORE your relationship with GOD and the church, or anyone who may have rejected, hurt or abandoned you.  IF you fear rejection, or IF you are ashamed of your doubts about God's mercy, IF you are addicted to sadness, TV, food, shopping, drama,

or being in control, to stinking thinking, or to convincing others that you are worthy of respect because of all your good deeds....When your inability to love and forgive yourself as God does ..hurts enough, when your DENIAL gets too heavy, and your broken, ineffective life crumbles, I encourage you to hold on to HOPE in Christ. Find a SAFE PLACE with a small group of honest struggling people. All Celebrate Recovery meetings are anonymous. Celebrate Recovery Groups in your area. STEP ONE is to step out of DENIAL and into RECOVERY. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction to: controlling circumstances, people, and the world. We admit that our compulsive behaviors have injured relationships, and that our lives have become unmanageable. We came to the conclusion that without God, we were doomed to live an empty life, without purpose or meaning. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."  Philippians 2:13 --- and we humbly submit to the Truth of this holy scripture:  "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18 and with the help of the Holy Spirit we grab onto God's undeniable TRUTH which will destroy all DENIAL...because the truth is:  only the TRUTH will set you FREE...

"Brothers (and sisters) loved by God, we know that He has chosen you, because our gospel came to you NOT simply with words, but also with POWER, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction." 1 Thessalonians 1:4 --- We TRUST God's living Word to enter our brokenness and restore us to wholeness "We have NOT received the (critical) spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us......For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?....but we have the mind of Christ."  1 Corin 2:12-16 We are chosen and given every spiritual blessing "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  For HE CHOSE us ' in Him' before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His PLEASURE and will - to the praise of HIS glorious GRACE, which He has freely given us in the One He loves." Ephesians 1:3-6

Batting hot, cold, or warm?

Baseball season seems to have ended forever. Players are striking as they bid for 500 million dollar contracts?  Are you comfortable with your worth "in Christ?" What will be the final score of your faith ? Or do you believe that you are smoking hot, batting 100% on the Lord's team?  Do you simply trust that you hit a home run with Jesus based on your past performance and that you are good-to-go-to-heaven-as-is? Do you justify not needing to attend church because you already read God's word and believe in Jesus? "The harvest is ready but the workers are few" Do you stand in the midst of a land full of broken people, while the Holy Spirit resides in you, totally silenced by your unwillingness, because you feel too weak and inadequate? "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Are you absolutely content with your eternal destination? Is your soul completely satisfied in itself? Are you self-sufficient or do you need Jesus?  God does not require your participation here on 

earth because He has it handled. With or without you, His will is being done. Do you think God is lucky to call you His own because you regularly offer up prayers for the poor and donate some coins to the orphans? Is God pleased with the amount of time and earnest compassion you extend? Do you choose to watch sports over spending time in God's word to renew your mind? Do you consider yourself full of the spirit because of your knowledge of scripture? Do you observe those who really need the Lord and pray that Jesus will light a fire in them, but you trust that your warm home and heart pleases God Almighty? Has your pride been conquered by Christ? Do you speak and pray with the authority that you are under? Are you overcome and humbled by the power and presence of the One Holy God? Is Jesus Christ your master? Are you His servant? Are you chained to His chariot and willing to allow Him to do the driving? Are you thrilled to admit that your are weak, 

that your will has been conquered, and therefore you are in need of guidance by a loving, redemptive, all powerful God? Pastor Bob Hendrick's sermon on Sunday December 14, 2014 is worthy of your ear. Listen to what the Spirit of God is saying to His people, His church, His chosen. Are you seeking the lost? Are you even batting for the Lord? What other King has ever left His throne, to greet you with mercy, to lay down His life for you? Revelation 3:15-20 ~ Lord Jesus I pray that You work miracles in the minds, hearts and thirsty souls of all listeners. We celebrate Your reason for birth on this earth, and rebirth in us.Click this link and ask Jesus to set your heart on fire! LCBC Notes
The Holy Spirit works through God's Word to renew our minds. As He restores our minds to the truth, our desires change, and our faith increases by hearing the testimonies of the changed life of Saul, the allegiance of Daniel, the faithfulness of God to generations of unfaithful people. Our hope

is confirmed by the indwelt Holy Spirit, who counsels us with wisdom. He reminds us of who we are in Christ Jesus, our Lord, and that His work in us continues to transform us. We are God's beloved creations, we are His chosen ambassadors of good will. The gospel is simple. God came down to make Himself known through His perfect Son, Jesus Christ, who purposefully chose to die on a cross for our sins. Our holy God forgave our sins through the blood of Jesus and we are justified  by Christ alone. We are privileged to wear His robe of righteousness and represent Him on earth. We are legally adopted into God’s family. As His beloved, we experience His grace, and His uncompromising promises. By His authority, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, so we can choose to love our enemies, forgive those who wrong us, and remain dependent on His unfailing love. God requires our full submission in order for us to receive a steady transmission of His plan and purpose for us. LIGHT our hearts on fire, Lord.  AMEN

Faith is a Gift

Faith is a free gift from God, and the blessings of God are given to us because we trust in Whom we have never seen.  How does a person acquire faith?  By seeking and trusting God, by believing in God, in His sovereign rule, in His creation, in God’s way above the way of the world, or man.  What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen.  It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, (eternal life without pain, suffering, death or taxes) even though we cannot see it up ahead.  By faith, we believe that God created the world, the galaxies, the neurons, the atmosphere, the

human heart, the amazing human brain, all the animals, birds, fish, plants and the oxygen needed by all things.   Some hero’s of the FAITH were laughed at, had their backs cut open with whips, Peter was beheaded, Stephen was stoned, some were sawed in two. Because of Sarah’s faith she gave birth to Isaac when she was in her nineties. Then because her husband Abraham had faith he offered their son Isaac up as a human sacrifice.  Mary, Joseph, Jacob, Moses, Gideon, Jeremiah, Samuel, Joshua, David, Paul, Peter and even the prostitute Rahab were all ordinary people, and to begin with, their gifted faith was as small as a mustard seed.  Each trusted God by the faith God gave them when they first believed that a 

Messiah was coming, according to the holy scriptures. They did not have the bible as we do today, and none received all that God had promised them before they died.  The superior reward for our faith today will be delivered to us in heaven. All the people of faith mentioned in the Old Testament never saw God in the flesh, in the person of Jesus.   The God breathed holy Scriptures purposely shares many stories of un-renounced FAITH in the face of hardship, impossibility and persecution.  The old testament LAW’s purpose is to show God’s high standard, which is 100% perfection.  God knows that humanity cannot live up to, or live out a life of perfection, therefore, because God loves mankind so much, supernaturally, God came to earth as the person of Jesus Christ, to live, to teach by His humble example, to serve mankind, and to become the perfect sacrifice in order that all who believed in Him, could be washed, cleansed, made holy, and given the right to stand before a holy God, in the name of Jesus. It is by His authority, and by His will, not our obedience that we are given the faith to believe, and to overcome. People cannot be saved by keeping the ten commandments, nor can people throw away the gift of faith, or their salvation in their ongoing imperfect understanding of God's will and ways. When a person comes to believe in God, and that the sinless man Jesus died for them as a perfect sacrifice, and that Jesus rose from the dead,  then the Holy Spirit comes into them, never to depart, and the gift of faith is received.  Our Lord Jesus taught to pray the Lord’s prayer. Our Father who art in heaven…respected is Thy holy name Jehovah, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”  Hallelujah! God operating in us, His hope for glory.  Bible: Romans 4:16; Hebrews 11; Matthew 6:9; Colossians 1:26.  See comments below for more bible references regarding justification. 

DUMP the TRASH

Dan confidently says "I know that there is no human way that man can make a vertical leap that tops five feet." Socrates replies "Ancient Greeks vaulted over bulls, did you know that?" Defensively and pridefully Dan snorts " I know more than you think!" Mercifully Socrates states the obvious "You think much more than you know. Knowledge is NOT the same as wisdom."  Baffled Dan asks "What is the difference?" The humble man responds with a question.  "You know how to clean a windshield?"  Dan chuckles "Yeah!" Socrates throws him a squeegee "Wisdom is doing it" Selfish curiosity about how this old man miraculously leaped atop the gas station roof, drew Dan into a relationship with Socrates.  "Look I do whatever it takes, I train 50 weeks a year, I read and study the best methods and apply them and I am just a heartbeat away from qualifying for the Olympics.  Even as good as I am, I gotta do all I can to make sure I qualify." Socrates was patient as he listened to Dan talk about how he trains his BODY, not his mind so HARD and says "There is a lot you need to let go of before you will understand what you saw Me do"  Socrates allows God's grace to work in him as he practices the truth. "For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." [John 1:17]  When the student was ready, the teacher appeared.  Dan invited Socrates into his heart and mind so he could learn the secret to performing like Socrates. The relationship began with Dan's transparent desire to learn.  

"Ask me anything." Socrates pauses then asks "Are you happy?" Exasperated Dan questions "What does happiness have to do with anything? My dad has plenty of cash, school is a breeze, I get straight A's, I have great friends, I am in great shape, and I don't sleep alone unless I want to.  I have all I need to be happy."  Socrates then asks "Why cant you sleep then?  You keep returning at 3:00 in the morning to talk to Me. What if you do not qualify for the Olympics, will you still be happy?  What if things do not go your way will you still enjoy your friends and the competition? Maybe you are still asleep. Many people live their whole life, asleep to the truth, and they miss all the glorious moments in between where they are and where they are going.  Never fully awake, never fully aware of all that is going on behind what they can see, or what they think they know is truth." Dan was getting agitated and blurts out "If you know so much, why do you work at a gas station?"  With a clear voice Socrates says "This is a service station.  We offer service.  There is no higher purpose."  Suddenly a new character shows up and her name is JOY.  Dan asks "Is she related to you?" Socrates shakes his head and says "You need to ask better questions."  Dan begins to shovel food into his mouth and Soc says "Slow down."  Dan continues to gulp down his food and replies "You sure got a lot of rules!"  The teacher replies "Not rules, but GRACE.  Through my life as a man, I learned to rely on grace, not my strength. Grace is God's ability to work in me. But I must accept the gift of grace and allow it to work in me. You eat sloppy and your sloppy thoughts slide around and defeat your purpose. The difference between me and you Dan is that you practice being good at gymnastics.  I practice listening, and allowing grace to work in me.  God is able to work through those who believe in Jesus for each action, each breath, and each word they speak.  There are no accidents, and nothing growing stays the same. IF you want to be all you were created to be, and IF you accept me as your Trainer I would require that you eat no meat, watch no TV, drink no alcohol and have no sex." Stunned by the sacrifices required, instead of being quick to listen and slow to speak Dan blurts out "And that is exactly why you will not be my chosen trainer."  Knowing that Dan loves a challenge, Socrates asked Dan to maintain a simple squat for five minutes.  Dan failed and fell to the floor.  Socrates said "Meet my son Jack!  Everyone tells Jack what to do. The church taught him how to acquire and sustain faith and what Jack must do to remain in good standing before God and to enjoy peace in this life.  All his life Jack did not seek answers from within, but he relied on people ~ not on the living Word of God.

Jack got answers that were revealed by his intellect, by his own study of the commentary and opinion of his trustworthy coaches."  Dan interrupted "So you want me to believe You and your ways?" Socrates answered "NOPE! What I command is that you stop gathering information from outside yourself and start listening to the voice within. People are afraid of what is inside ~ but inside is the only place where they will find the One who can give them what they need. The ever present Holy Spirit will deliver sufficient grace, joy and wisdom to whomever believes in Jesus. The warrior must be willing to surrender their ego to His power to transform a restlessness self-centered mind to the mind of Christ.  You are awake at 3:00 in the morning because you have no peace. When your day is done, the distractions cease, your busyness stops,  and most of the noise of life is silenced.  You lay in bed awake and scared because you feel empty and alone.  You tell me that you want to be more than a man who swings from the rings.  You tell Me that you hope to make a difference. You tell me that you want to do more than perform a few well practiced tricks of the trade.  You tell me that you want to be a man that uses his mind and body in ways that the world thinks is impossible. You tell me that you are ready to do what I say and  I will be your personal Trainer.  I

will teach you to be a real warrior of the living Word of God." Dan agrees to have Socrates coach him.  Soc invites Dan to meet up inside a local bar.  Dan is shocked to find Socrates smoking a cigar and having a drink.  Dan asks "Hey I thought we were better than this?" Socrates takes a puff of his cigar and says "Just because you choose to obstain so that you can perform does not make you superior.  You are no better than anyone seated in this bar."  Dan departs and at the gym a friend falls and gets badly injured. Dan admits to Socrates that his first thought was selfish and judgmental.  His initial thought was what his friend should NOT have done.  Dan admitted the truth that he thought if his friend had followed the rules, this would not have happened. Then Dan was disgusted in himself for truly thinking that his friends unfortunate

injury would give him the advantage. Dan said "Sometimes I do not like myself."  Socrates quickly offered this truth "People are not their thoughts. They think they are what they think, or they are who people say they are.  The thought that 'I am not good enough' compels the lost to prove who they are by what they do. This thinking sets them up to try harder, on their own. You are NOT what you think.  The truth is:  you are what God says you are and His grace is sufficient for you. Your mind is just a reflex organ that reacts to everything.  Your head is filled with a million random thoughts each day. People judge, criticize, and wonder too much about what and why people do what they do.  None of these thoughts are useful.  No amount of this useless comparison will reveal the truth of who you are and why you are here."  Socrates suddenly SLAPS Dan. Shocked Dan says "I do not want to hurt you"  Well I guess I will just have to keep slapping you until you wake up!  LESSON: Develop awareness.  Be still.  Be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Develop the right motive. At the right place, at the right time, allow grace to work in you and through you.  LESSON: Take out the TRASH.  Throw out all useless thoughts.  Thoughts of the past, about why, worry about not being right, and about the future.  EMPTY your mind." Dan asked " But how do I empty my mind? Socrates invited him to meet up the next day for a quick demonstration.  Dan arrived a bit late and he was in a hurry so Socrates tossed him off the bridge.  Dan gets out steaming mad!  Socrates asked "Are you thinking about yesterday? Are you thinking about what you know about swimming, what you were taught in school, at church, from any man? Great you are

totally in the present, ALIVE and living in this pure moment!  Congratulations you have just emptied your mind!"  TRUTH IS: People cannot receive the gift of GRACE if their hearts and minds are full of chatter about what they need to do, or what they should be doing,  or what others are thinking and doing.  "and of His fullness have all we received, and grace to grace." John 1:16 ~ God's grace is His ability to work in us. Just as God the Father grew His Son Jesus in grace, so we can grow in grace, ONLY IF we empty our minds on how and why and accept His gift of grace!   People who are like children, live in the moment without a thought of the future or if they are good enough.  "and the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom; and the grace of God was upon him." Luke 2:40 ~ Some people who know the Bible pridefully quote scripture confidently thinking that they know God. However, they have NOT surrendered their limited man acquired knowledge or doctine to the Teacher, the Holy Spirit.  The grace of God is then blocked from doing the work in them and through them. 

They simply operate on what they have been taught by humans. They rely on themselves to "get er done!"  God's living word warns us to NOT lean on our own understanding, but to seek Him. We were saved by grace, and to live the way of the peaceful warrior requires that people drop the pride of what they know and allow the grace of God to do His work in them and through them.  People must put to death their way of thinking and adopt the mind of Christ.  People must welcome the gift of grace, depend on Jesus and allow the grace of God to do what we cannot do apart from God, apart from grace. Frustration comes when people cannot get scripture to work for them. Knowledge of how to swing on the rings, knowledge of how to drive a car, any knowledge lodged in the mind of how to be a good Christian, this knowledge is useless without grace. IF we could obey all the scriptures in our own strength, by our own understanding, God would not have needed to send His Son Jesus to come and die as a perfect sacrifice so that we could be presented before our holy Father.  WHY EMPTY your mind of all you think? Jesus was a man full of grace, dependent and obedient to His Father.   "how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him" Acts 10:38 states that Father God anointed, or filled Jesus with the Holy Spirit and power so that He could do good because God was with Him. Father God did not anoint Himself, He anointed His Son Jesus to heal the sick and cast out demons. The humanity of Jesus does NOT diminish His Diety or God's purpose.  Jesus came down, He was sent by God to walk among us in the flesh, in the form of a man. Jesus cried out to His Father "it is finished", His body was buried, and His Spirit ascended to the throne and then Jesus returned to speak to His disciples and deliver the Holy Spirit as He promised He would.

The Son of God, Jesus was honest with His Father and with anguish He asked "Take this cup from Me" ~ Jesus grew in grace and relied upon His Father for the grace to be obedient to death on a cross.  "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, He made himself nothing by taking the very nature  of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!"  Phil 2:5-8 Jesus went to the garden to pray, to share His burden,  to ask for grace. Jesus depended on grace to defeat temptations and receive grace from His Father to obey.  Jesus never did anything by His own power or ability. He was humble and obedient, He was full of the grace and He prayed: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you.  For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God,

and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.  I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.  “I have revealed you  to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.  All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.“I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full

measure of my joy  within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." John chapter 17 NIV  ~ “You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain,  and with your blood you purchased for God persons from every tribe and language and people and nation." Rev  5:9.  "He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and His name is the Word of God." 

Rev 19:1  "On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords."  Rev 19:16 ~ Let us empty our mind, drop our pride, our ego and let us boldly claim the truth. Jesus Christ is the living Word of God, who was with God the Father in the beginning. "First there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning."  John 1:1-2.  Scripture lines up with scripture and Jesus is returning and His name is the Word of God. He is the alpha and the omega, He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords.  There is no teaching, no commentary written by man that can stand up against the truth; and the truth is the Word of God, which came down and walked among us as the man Jesus Christ. Dan Millman's best-selling Way of the Peaceful Warrior was first published in 1980. Written in autobiographical form, it chronicles Millman's

experiences as a competitive gymnast at the University of California in Berkely.  A woman named JOY shows up and lays hands on Dan and prays for his soul. Socrates, or the Holy Spirit keeps talking to Dan in his dreams to reveal God's way as the only way. Socrates seeks to break down Millman's conventional thought and show him the way of the "Peaceful Warrior" and that is to allow God's grace to work through him.  Dan had to drop his ego and surrender all he thought he knew, and his way of performing in life to allow grace to do what only God could accomplish. The fact is, the truth is: The grace of God healed Dan's multi-fractured leg.  In ten short months Dan confounded the wise and performed flawlessly to qualify for the Olympics. LESSON: Lighten up, enjoy the journey, take out the trash, Yackety Yak, don't talk back! Sing a FUN song by the Coasters or enjoy the lyrics of HOME by Phillips and Phillips. "If you get lost, you can always find HOME, you are never alone! 

A Scholar's Atheist

Quote from "Surprised by Joy" the autobiography by CS Lewis.  "I was at this time living, like so many atheists...in a whirl of contradictions.  I maintained that God did NOT exist.  I was very angry with God for NOT existing.  I was equally angry with Him for creating a world."  CS Lewis considered Christianity nothing more than a myth.  He was an Oxford scholar, a respected teacher with profound things to say. He held two degrees from his university and also taught at Cambridge. CS prized the creative imagination and as an academic, his lectures stimulated reason and much thought among his students. He was a literary critic, a tremendous historian and a satirical humorist who was fun to hang out with. "The things that I assert most rigorously and with such vigor, are the very things that I resisted long and accepted late."  His highly intelligent argumentative skills allotted him frequent triumph in verbal debates. CS was a complex man who was gravely affected by his mother's battle with cancer and early death.  At the age of nine, the tragic loss of his mother stiffened his heart against belief in a

benevolent God.  CS believed that there was no God worthy of praise because of all the unnecessary cruelty, agony and pain contained by humans affected by war and death. His unanswered prayer for his mother's life proved that billions of weeping prayers were pointlessly directed to the absolute void of a merciful, loving God.  CS Lewis was born on November 29, 1898 in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  His boyhood library shelves were filled with fantastical books of mythology. After romps with his brother through the rich green landscape of Ireland, CS would retire to his room to draw pictures that matched his fantasy characters. At the young age of 19 ... CS found himself in France on the front lines of World War 1. Many men under his command were blown to bits and his best friend was killed in a fierce combat.  Resolved to keep his promise, CS took care of his deceased friends mother and sister after the war. His mind was filled with the haunting question of WHY? Is life and death so random?  After his father died in 1929, CS purchased a home in Britain just three miles from his work on Oxford campus.  His alcoholic brother came to live with him shortly after moving in. For

30 years CS taught, lectured and immensely enjoyed his walks and talks with other outstanding intellects. He loved the life of the mind and became close friends with J.R.R. Tolkien. Together over a pint at the local university pub called the "Eagle and Child", CS and Tolkien agreed that as there was massive amounts of inadequately fulfilling literature at the university, that they would begin to write things that would satisfy their souls. They initiated a club called the "Inklings" and their members included prolific intellects such as Owen Barfield, Neville Calkhill, and Hugo Deisen. They both began to write mythical fantasy with a morality beyond prejudices commonly held by opposing beliefs regarding religion and politics.  They met weekly at the pub, or in their respective homes to drink, socialize and read aloud samplings with welcomed and revered criticism.  The process of honing their written words among the great minds of the day, enabled the finished work of CS and Tolkien to appeal to a wide range of peoples.  Fifty years later, their inspired writings have touched the

hearts of young and old.  Millions of copies of their books have been sold and both became legends at the box office by movie goers across the globe.  "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" and " The Lord of the Rings" are indeed timeless works of great literature gone viral. To be infected by their highly contagious virus of hope for more, the series entitled "The Chronicles of Narnia" and sequels of hits for more of "The Lord of the Rings" is a testament to the thirst of the soul for knowledge that good prevails over evil.  People do celebrate the victory in these wonder filled visual triumphs. After years of believing that Christianity was a beautifully spun lie, at the wise age of 33, CS was introduced to a book entitled "Everlasting Man" by Chesterson. He had long resisted believing in Jesus and after many hours debating with Tolkien, CS became a believer because of his identification of God in the glorious theater of nature, in science and in his innate compulsion to know the truth. His satirical account of letters between the author of evil and his earthbound helper became an over night sensation.  "The Screwtape Letters" became a best-seller.  A revolutionary book in the 1920's, it rattled the souls of his peers and became the most talked about writing among his students, and eventually it was a worldwide must read. Screwtape (the devil) gives Wormwood (the temptor) detailed advice on various methods of undermining faith in people while promoting healthy pleasures. In Screwtape's advice, individual benefit and greed are seen as the greatest good.

Because CS Lewis served on the faculty at Oxford University, and as his published works caused such a scandal, the University board was unable to convince him to be silent about his faith, so they simply denied this literary giant the title of Professor.   CS Lewis was baptized at birth in the Church of Ireland, but denied Jesus for 32 years.  God used his close friend Tolkien to water the seed of faith and CS became a ordinary layman of the Church of England.  CS credits the Holy Spirit for the content and impact of his children's books.  His wartime radio broadcasts on the subject of Christianity brought him worldwide acclaim. Later CS published a book entitled "Mere Christianity" which was a compilation of his popular radio broadcasts. In 1956, he married the American writer Joy Davidman, 17 years his junior.

Joy died at the age of 45, just four years after they were married.  Lewis died three years after his wife, from renal failure, one week before his 65th birthday on November 22,1963, in the same hour that President John F Kennedy was assassinated.  When it comes to faith in God, it is an ongoing personal choice to be made.  It is a relationship with a very real and unseen Supreme Being. Only God can aptly answer the question of why?  His ways are not our ways, and History, is indeed His story. When we are faced with the harshest of realities here on earth, we must pay careful attention to who and what we are listening to.  Intellectuals live in their minds, but a relationship with God requires trust, it requires faith in the unknown, in the unseen department of the heart.  If you have suffered great loss, or a prolonged illness, read the book of John in the Bible, then read CS Lewis book entitled "The Problem of Pain". Herein a picture of his beloved wife Joy.

We choose to listen to the voice of indisputable Truth or the voice of the great Liar...CS Lewis challenged the miracles of Jesus "You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."  Who do we trust?  "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture....the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming...If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm....I was young, now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken....Wait for the Lord and keep His way...The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; He is their stronghold in time of trouble." The book of psalms was written by a young musician who trusted in God and became King.  Psalm 37