ADJUSTMENTS REQUIRED

The wash cycle of life systematically swirls until the grime of guilt, shame and sorrow is lifted.  The dirt of darkness is loosened in the wash of admitting that something is wrong and my soul breathes easier and it survives another night.  With all self-talk stilled for months at a time, obediently I show up and trust that God is working in me even though my pause button is pushed.  I am acutely aware that too often I have chosen to remain tuned out to what the Spirit is saying.  The sparkle in my eyes that once accompanied the excited expectations for a new day with so much to be thankful for...that Barb spark went up in smoke! It vanished without a trace! Unknown hesitations, reservations, and reluctance suddenly replaced my previous explorations, anticipations and enthusiastic plans.   Despite the hard place in which I find myself today, I believe that after 37 years of living alone, God predestined me to marry the man He chose for me for His purpose, to fulfill His larger plan.

The transparency herein will hopefully encourage others to trust and obey and "Confess your doubts, your short comings, your unbelief to one another so that you can be healed." Only in obedience is a person blessed by God.  "Any of you who does NOT give up everything he has --- cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:33  So, after my crisis of belief, "Lord is this what You really want for me?" Certain adjustments had to be made by me to accomodate my choice to walk in obedience.  Giving up my son, my friends, my home, my possessions, and my 5 year plan to move to Mexico alone was not easy.  At times I was filled with unbelief that God had actually spoken to me and encouraged me to get married.  For me it is most difficult to hold my tongue and hide my true feelings.  While trusting that God would provide oppotunities for service in Mexico, one year prior to retiring, my boss introduced me to the man I was to marry.  The GIVING UP of my independence, not so much my single life, was the most difficult for me.  After being on my own for nearly 4 decades, marriage was quite an adjustment!  Nothing was withheld from my fiance prior

to our wedding.  He had read my FAITH BLOG and he had also been a witness to my tough love for my son during our courtship.  He knew all about my past and how God had given me the strength to rise above, to forgive the unforgiveable, and to love the unlovable. Prior to our engagement, he knew I had given up building a part-time business in order to date him, and that I am a valued public speaker, a writer, a leader and a truth teller.  My GIFT is to encourage people! As a married woman I expected that my husband would verbally encourage me in the Word, and in my writing.  As it turns out, we cannot open the Word of God without opposing revelations as to its meaning and

application.  This has been a huge disappointment for me and I pray that God will HELP US articulate that which we were drawn to, what we respected and admired in one another. We must accept each other as the person God has fashioned us into becoming. As a single mother and career woman, it was necessary for me to be bold, to say what I mean, and mean what I say.  Being strong and holding onto my beliefs was paramount.  I had to offer hope by my example, and I had to sandwhich healthy criticism with praise.  Today when I speak, and when I write, I like to imagine that I am making direct eye contact with my listeners.  Before our wedding, my man read my blogs

with greatful tears in his eyes.  We have both had to adjust in many ways to a new life in Mexico which includes a new church, new friends, and the new routine of serving in our community, using our gifts.  It is my delight to witness my husband engaged in service. While living in Mexico I have encouraged him to develop relationships outside of "us" and we both have accepted the truth that spending time alone and time away from each other is healthy.   Early in our marriage a dread like glue had rendered me listless and physically weakened. WHY?   One reason was that my ability to walk had been impaired by a constant pain for the first ten months of our marriage. Secondly, I struggled with our differences in doctrine and his unwillingness to serve our God somehow in our community as he waited until I retired. I read the words of Oswald Smith, a missionary "I want Thy plan, O God, for my life.  May I be happy and contented whether in the homeland or the foreign field; whether married or alone, in happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; prosperity or adversity; I want Thy plan, O God for my life."  The truth is that my unstoppable, ever present Lord, hears my heart's cry and He knows that I am tired of putting on my armor, my helmet to allow only pure thinking, my shield against the enemies attack. My mind was like an endless traffic jam of scripture and denial about who I was in Christ, a cherished child of God, a daughter of the most High Priest.

My mind was STRONGLY held by negative and critical thoughts about our marriage!  I prayed "Lord, break the spiritual STRONG HOLD in my mind and heart, restore me." God answered me wtth a scripture. His command was that I hold captive every thought. Paul wrote about how people get easily get off track from listening and following God's ways.  "walk, in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart." Eph 4:17 ~ The battle is REAL and Satan had been blinding my mind and causing me to doubt and wonder IF Jesus had led me to Mexico, and IF God had equipped me to cast out the demons of doubt in me.

Lord, forgive me for my unbelief!  I must never again doubt the supremacy of Christ! The truth has always been that I am loved by Jesus Christ, my Lord!  Questioning whether or not God's grace is sufficient for me is the work of the devil!  Is not faith believing in what I cannot see? Has not God revealed Himself to me in Spirit? Nothing can change my believe in the trinity of Jesus Christ, as I am convinced that my Lord Jesus was with the Father in the beginning, and that He is the Alpha and the Omega.  He was sent down to earth to rescue me and I also believe that God came down in the flesh as Jesus, to die for me, and to pay for my past, present and future sins. I believe that Jesus showed Himself to His wondering, doubting disciples and that He shows Himself faithful to me by administering His peace when I have none. When Thomas saw the wounds in His hands he said “My Lord and my God.”

When the young rich ruler ASKED JESUS "What must I do to inherit the kingdom?" Jesus knew his heart, Jesus knew his attachment to his wealth, and Jesus knew that the Father had not enabled the young rich ruler to willingly accept His ways. "This is why I told you that no one can come to Me unless the Father has enabled them." The rich young ruler felt "sad" at the prospect of giving up all he had to follow Jesus, and so he chose his wealth over obedience to the requirement Jesus had given him.  When Jesus met the woman at the well and told her of all her unholy relationships, her reaction was different. She accepted the requirement Jesus gave her..."go and sin no more".  

Disobeying God's first commandment is to seek and value the advice of others above God's written word. Obedience to God produces joy and peace. "The soul that sinneth, it shall die" Ez 18:4 ~ Soul is more than another word for a person, soul in various parts of the Bible refers to the realm of the mind and emotions of man. Sin corrupts the mind, confuses the emotions and thereby destroys the soul. People do not drop dead when they sin, but they do experience the death of a friendship. God says "He who sins against Me wrongs his own soul" Proverbs 8:36 ~ "Jesus asks His disciple Philip “For a long time I have been with you all; yet you do not know me. ... Whoever has seen Me has seen the Father. Why, then, do you say, ‘Show us the Father’?" John 14:9   Have I ever recognized Jesus at work in my life, providing, blessing, teaching me through others?  All people who enter my life, including my husband entertain me like angels, and they minister to me through acts of kindness and words of encouragement.  Co-dependency is depending on people to meet the needs that only God can. The relationship that I have with my Father, with Jesus is authentic. I trust God, I pour out my thoughts in blogs, and on my devotional journal to the only audience I require. Jesus affirms me, He renews me, He heals me, and He provides for my every need.  My Father knows my needs even before I can figure out what they are.  

COMPULSIVE COMPARING

Many clever citizens of this world compare the lofty accomplishments of others to their own. The unhealthy habit of compulsive comparison leads to self-bashing for what I coulda, shoulda done. SO here I am, close to a career end, without grand babies to sit for and do fun things with, living in a society where having one or two is pretty much essential if you're going to feel useful in your grey years. Praise God for His will, way and living word ~ I am His wondrous creation, filled with His purposed Holy Spirit, not left to my human inherent tendency to feel less than, for not having more than someone else. God chose me, He equipped me, He has a superior plan for me, a purpose for me. Halleluiah!

My cerebral tendency is to compare myself to the grad student at work who has spent the last several months dedicating almost all his time preparing for some of the toughest engineering exams ever known to man, learning a zillion planning laws and diligently documenting every waking action, turning down countless fun events to pursue his goal. Another co-worker was recently promoted to begin a new role of helping countless citizens, and then while another bursts with job satisfaction, I sit upfront languishing in my tedious role. Wedding plans, new grand children being born, my sister is busy golfing, playing tennis and birthing more raggedy dolls to auction off at fund-raisers. My brother is climbing rocks, scuba diving in the sea of Cortez and other friends are taking exotic trips to far off places. These delighted highlights of people surrounding me totally ignores the fact that each person envied has down days and everyone panics, but it's human nature to compare ourselves to our peers.

To cope with this kind of dope bombarding my head:
1. List my character flaws and reasons why I am beloved by God, anyway, every day
2. Find greater meaning in my appointed place, in my position in Christ. .
3. Accept that I am more than a conqueror, that I am adequate and valued by He who created me.

PRICELESS SOLITUDE

WRITTEN in 2011. Like Alice in Wonderland, as a little camper I was speechless with admiration for natures wild and sublime grandeur.  A torrent of power and beauty washed over me and through me with a loud, spirit filled silence that spoke eloquently and profoundly, that God does imperially and emphatically exist.  Transfixed with an exalted sense of being, my eyes dripped with tremendous tears of emotion as they gazed upon the silent vista across Silver Lake.  The towering granite cliffs and the snow melt avalanche of fresh water that fills the lake is surrounded by a grand grove of majestic Sequoia trees that have weathered 2,000 years ~  Their twiggy limbs stretch up in praise of the One who created them.  What a gift from our loving Father, whose great delight it is to usher His children along into a Disneyland that twirls us about to give thanks to our beloved Dad!  Absolutely enchanted by Dad’s great joy in witnessing my discovery of all that He has done for me, I descended into the hypnotic romance of Camp Minkalo.  "Hi lo, any many taca, umpi wa wa, hepti minica, honica, sonica, little loco, woo woo! Forever after sleeping in a teepee under an umbrella of majesty,  I became a zealot, an absolute fanatic of God’s creation.  With quaking hesitation I humbly give God the glory with this simple utterance intended to glorify God Almighty.  I am filled with honor for His thought of what would delight me, what would speak to me ~ to assure me with such overwhelming confidence that my Father; the Creator of all things did this for my pleasure and knowledge of Him. AMAZING! My words beg to not diminish His

purpose in creating the seasons, the snow, and the scripture of nature. What a treasure to look up at what appears to be an old gothic cathedral of rocks with spires that point up ~ to the glorious happy works of God.  Every tree and bush grew from a seed planted with a great purpose. The natural grace and charm of the quiet of lakes surrounded by majestic tall, tall pines uplifts, regenerates and washes my mind and spirit. Insanity is to attempt to prove by logic or reason that beauty exists ~ What method of intellect can prove that a sunrise is beautiful? Just like science cannot unhinge the sensory of a haunting, wistful fragrance from the nostril of an individual’s truth, so too science cannot prove that God does not exist. Deliriously happy to rise with the Son, how beautiful and amazing are His ways!  GOD calls me to "come " get away with Jesus in the garden. Tis how I refresh and renew when the cares of life become draining.  It is time to take my body up to a mountain peak that speaks to my soul. I long for quiet time alone with my Lord.  My heart longs to sing in the wind and spend a night in the wild among the beasts and the blooms. A three day get-away into the sculptures fashioned by the Father for my leisure and pleasure. To smile awhile in His presence -- to accept His most generous present of mighty trees that

dwarf me into thanksgiving. Responding to Thy precious call, I run to hide away with Thee.   In 1851 the astonishing beauty of Yosemite Valley and the geyser wonderland of Yellowstone give birth to the radical idea of creating national parks for the enjoyment of everyone. John Muir is the eloquent defender of nature and the poet of the trees, canyons and uninterrupted vista's created by God to nurture the souls of mankind.  Imagine Peter the fisherman's delight as he looked upon the waters.  Peter was afraid when the wind tossed "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Matthew 14:30
In nature the winds sing, and the clouds hover atop the sea and mountains.  As we look up in awe, our non-verbal response to nature, our indwelt giddy reply to the lesson of Jesus to Nicodemus

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8  We stand erect and gaze with amazement as the wind blows and bends trees. While we are here, we can weather each storm with dignity as we trust God and keep our eyes on Him. The Rock of ages can only be heard as we stand still, and listen for the voice of God.   

What Attracts Us

Honestly, what attracted us to the person we are with? Was it that they complimented us on who we are, and where we are going? Or were we attracted to their character, their accomplishments, their enthusiasm for life? The penetrating questions we need to ask ourselves. 1) Am I living the good life, the best life I can? If not, why? Everyone has the capacity to orchestrate their own change and growth and to become the best version of themselves. A lasting romantic partnership requires each person to effort in becoming better than they have ever been before, at something. It can be the same hobby, or a new fascination. The good life begins with individual fulfillment and empowerment, but it radiates outward from there to transform our intimate relationships as well. It is the pathway to partnerships that are mutually satisfying and enhancing. The BEST life is when each party in a relationship is free of self-imposed and inherited judgments and limitations. When a person allows themselves to try new things, new thoughts, in new ways, they expand and become increasingly attractive. People need the freedom to express what they like, what bothers them, their big ideas, and what they need to be satisfied in life. In couple psychology today couples are encouraged to challenge what has always been, so that they can explore new ways and the HOPE that comes when couples feel renewed joy while doing this thing called life together. Plan the next event as if it was the wedding, the merging of two minds and hearts. Birthdays, weddings, anniversarys, holidays are occasions where people plan the event for the purpose of sharing joy with others. Without events life gets boring so couples are encouraged to plan events! Who shall the couple invite? Where shall the reunion take place? What is the theme of the celebration? Having FUN is highly important in the quest to feeling “happier”. Happiness increases as we explore new thoughts, new things, and the interests, passions and stories of other people. Couples only have their stories and repeating the same old stories gets boring. The good life is NOT a life for those who fear change. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of a persons potential. It involves the courage to become more attractive to all those who are in our life. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life.” Would you like to have a romantic partner like that? Would you like to be a partner like that? Of course! And happily for us, we have the freedom to become more than we have ever been, regardless of age, we CAN become more attractive! Couples reach their full potential by simply providing a safe and conducive environment for real change to occur. These are the three necessary qualities in successful couple conversations. Set the stage for creating the “good life” in your relationship. Here they are: 1. Genuineness. For couples to feel empowered and willing to grow they must feel safe in being transparent. No hiding frustrations allowed. Be a human being, be honest, be vulnerable, be present, and listen well. Help the other person feel safe and fully competent to solve the problems they face. Be genuine and leave nothing about yourself for your partner to “read between the lines” about. 2. Unconditional Respect and Regard. Unless people feels accepted just as they are, free of judgment, criticism, and condescension, they are unlikely to risk the openness and vulnerability necessary for deep introspection and change. Defensiveness is a natural response in anyone who feels threatened or undervalued. Rogers cautions couples to guard against an attitude of superiority at all times. Doing so requires an ironclad commitment to listen intently without interruption or unsolicited advice. 3. Empathy. In order to be most effective, couples must actually care what their partner is feeling. Only then would a person feel truly safe and be able to consider new ways of living. In romantic relationships, it is easy for you both to consider only how particular issues feel to you and what effect they have on your life. This naturally results in lines in the sand that make the first two desired traits much more difficult to sustain. A good friend is married to a person that matches her energy and her passion for life. A mate who has plans, a life partner who has a passion for life and for people. They both attract people and together they enjoy laughing with a diverse group of people. It is important to pay attention to how many friends a person has, how many people truly enjoy being around him. Does this person have to carve out time for you? Does this person have goals, dreams? Do those plans and dreams fit your future? "The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of GOD except the Spirit of GOD. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God (the Holy Spirit), that we may understand what GOD has freely given us." Seek wisdom and comfort in the Word of God, be still, talk to friends and make changes. Many copules ignore, or make excuses for their partners habits which irritate them. or they elect to change their own behaviour to keep the relationship "happy". This manuafactred, fake joy will not last. It may take years, but couples who settle for less than the GOOD LIFE will get to the point where they are so unhappy, so dissatisfied, so distant that they will eventually depart with anger and regrets. Divorce can be avoided IF each person takes an inventory of what they are feeling and becomes honest with what they need. Understand who you really are, instead of a cardboard cutout that you think you need to be to please someone. Each person needs to work on becoming more than they have ever been, for themselves. The relationship can sparkle again when both people give effort to become attractive again. The good life is waking up each morning energised and looking forward to great day. Take charge, this is the only life you have!

Mexico Feet meet Bus

BUY shoes before travelling to Mexico. EXPAT exchange warns that to find shoes in smaller towns the right size for gringo feet, is almost impossible. Mexico makes shoes where the heel and sole are one piece. Walk in GOOD shoes all around and catch a clean bus in Lake Chapala. The main bus depot is just blocks from Casa De La Luz. Walkers do not see all that many official bus stops in Chapala, but NO WORRIES, just watch for an area as you walk along that would be large enough for a large bus to pull off out of traffic and stop for you. Stand perpendicular to the road facing the oncoming traffic. Extend you right arm straight and upward at a 45 degree angle palm up and looking straight at the bus. In all probability the driver will stop for you as he get's a percentage of the fares. Drivers have an incentive to stop anywhere it's safe to pick you up. Waving and jumping up and down unfortunately will NOT work. Have change to pay the fare and pull the cord or push the button to get off. WHAT about walking at night in Chapala? Article taken from EXPAT exchange. Sunsets on Lake Chapala are magnificient! But you will notice in the evening fewer and fewer people are on the street. At Lake Chapala, Mexico the ladies feel safe to walk, even alone after dark. Even though face to face personal crime is very rare in Chapala, a common sense warning and it is wise to make note IF families are not outdoors, it would be best to not be out alone. This is a picture of the historical landmark the old train station at the dead end of Estacion. It sits on Lake Chapala and is only three blocks from Casa De La Luz.

HONESTY

Honesty defined: a quality, condition, or characteristic of being fair, just, truthful, and morally upright.   Honesty is more than speaking the truth, it is also being honest in our assessments, and in our fairness with others. Being aware that Jesus has total access to our minds, hearts, intentions and our activities, we are wise to realize that we must not hang a privacy sign on what we think is right or fair.  Withholding thoughts builds walls in our relationships.  Dishonesty blossoms and grows when we do not speak the truth to ourselves or to those we are in relationship with. To BE totally truthful in what we say, or infer, and even more importantly, what we leave unsaid - is to be obedient to His command to NOT take the Lord's name in vain.  If we live for Jesus, then we represent His holy name, with every thought, word spoken and action. To live in Jesus name requires His wisdom to hold every thought captive.  It requires His will, not our personality and our ways.  It requires discernment and courage to speak the truth in love. Lord Jesus I welcome the challenge to speak honestly, and also to hold my tongue ~ as a gift from You.  Today I choose to trust You with my marriage, my finances, my job, and my feeble human tendency to turn the wrong way each time the elevator door opens.  In the name of Jesus, I ask that the Holy Spirit equip me today with super natural grace and strength. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2 ~ As we are made in "His likeness", we are infused with His Spirit. God speaks the truth always and as we are "in Him" and He is "in us", we have been equipped, empowered and encouraged to be vigilant in our

honesty with Him, ourselves and others.   Bottom line,  our words, our ideas about our temporary life on earth, or our collected opinions based on our education, experience or our

time spent researching online, or even as we read scholarly commentary ~ our thoughts and conclusions are INFERIOR and admittedly limited if we do NOT ask the Holy Spirit to give us revelation. Only God's living Word changes people. People changed by God, are used by God to lead and achieve His perfect plan, according to His perfect will.  Our openness and honesty with God and with those He places in our life to influence for His purpose, these relationships create the foundation upon which Jesus will finish the work He began 2,000 years ago.   Honest communications grow our faith and trust in God and in people.  God values our honest talks with Him. Our internal and external relationships with others are a reflection of our honesty with God.  Strong, positive relationships endure the storms that come to destroy.  But our Father uses what others intended for harm, to gather glory unto Himself by His faithfulness to those who rely on Him,  His word and His ways.  Our trust in God is what allows us to accomplish much more than we could ever do on our own.  A key ingredient in strong relationships is our heartfelt connection to God.   Head knowledge will not serve God or anyone else without the infusion of the Holy Spirit who abides in our midst.  Our dependence on His Holy Presence is essential for our honesty.   We are compelled from within to act with integrity, to respond obediently to what the Spirit is saying.  Our

compassion, our interest in others, is a fruit of His Spirit in us.  Our loyalty, our friendliness, our desire to do the right thing is a divine compulsion from within.  Building trust without honest communications is impossible.  Honest communication begins with listening and responding to what the Spirit is saying, and what the other person is saying, or not communicating.  Honesty is about speaking the truth in love, with compassion for the condition of the listeners soul.  Ask yourself what is God’s divine plan for bringing this person into your life?  The Spirit of God will communicate perfectly through His willing servant the message that the speaker and the hearer needs to hear.   How the recipient responds depends on their maturity.  Responses range from joy to indifference.  Our part is to speak the truth and trust God with the outcome.  God corrects and disciplines those He loves.  His word encompasses all of what a human can feel, say or do in this world.  In order for a person to positively respond to honesty, they must know that the person talking cares for them. Embracing the unique way each person is designed or wired by God is to loosely hug the opinions, and backgrounds of those He places in our lives.  Diversity in our

relationships expands the opportunity to express God’s grace and mercy.  The wider our audience, the broader our positive influence as Ambassadors of Christ.  Variety is the spice of life and we can be assured that God will send a variety of diverse relations into our life for His purpose and ultimate glory.   "Now FAITH is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.  For our ancestors won God's approval by it.  By faith we understand that the universe was created by God's command, by His spoken word, and that as God revealed to us in Revelation 19:12 "His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself.  He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God." Again confirmed of Who Jesus is: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning." John 1:1-2 NIV Our Father breathed this truth in Hebrews: "that what is seen has been made from things that are not visible." and Jesus continues to encourage us and comfort us by His word “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.  I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades." (Rev 1:17)  BY FAITH it is up to us to TRUST GOD as we circulate and build

honest relationships within our families and communities.  Be open, Be honest, Be alive, Be available to be used for God's glory.  "Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness, for without it none will see the Lord.  Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and by it, defiling many." (HEB 12:14) ~ "Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality, for by doing this some have welcomed angels as guests without knowing it." (Heb 13:1) Jesus knows all and He waits for us to confess our fears, reservations and worries.  Lord I pray that God would give me eyes to see and hear what is truly going on inside my heart, my mind and that He gives me the courage to speak the truth in love regarding those circumstances appropriately. As God answers that prayer and He reveals hidden sins within the Holy Spirits residence, my soul, or in my home, my immediate response will be one of thankfulness. Uncovering dishonesty never comes at a convenient time! Responding with a kind, gracious honorable manner is to be gentle NOT

wimpy. Kindness is actually God's strength under control. Although Jesus was God in human flesh, he responded gently to people who were ignorant to who He was. Matthew 5:5 ~ "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.  Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” (Rev 3:19) We were called, we were set apart, for His purpose, for His glory, to do His will, to do the right thing and speak the truth with grace.  We do NOT serve God out of poverty, but out of His abundant supply of time, energy and finances.  Each day is MEMORIAL DAY, a day to give thanksgiving to our Father, our Lord Jesus Christ.   

By obedience to His word, we individually choose to continue to pray for one another and seek Godly counsel. God supernaturally empowers those who seek to do His will. Let us continue to gather together as a family and praise God for what He has done, and for His plans for our future. Our parents made mistakes, our ancestors made mistakes and we are wise to learn from them, that we do not repeat and reap the same lessons from unecessary hardships. As Christians, every day is a good day to remember, reflect on, and give thanks for what the Lord has done for us. “And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me.” Reminders, bitter or sweet, are important to our family, faith and relationships.  Let us rely on His word, His ways, His plans, and His perfect purpose in our suffering.   Let us thank God for the courage He bestows to speak the truth in love.  Let us praise God for how He prompts us to ask questions, and for how He provides for our every emotional, spiritual and physical need. Let us honor God by being honest with one another, always.  When in DOUBT or in question, let us read and TRUST God’s word and His plans for us: ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to

harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own (droplet of) understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do NOT be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun pride.” For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." (Eph 2:8)  Let us NOT boast about what we have done, but instead let us brag about what the Lord has planned for those who love Him, for those who desire to serve Him. Compelled from within on Monday June 3, 2013 ~  As a new wife I felt pressure to meet all my husbands emotional needs. ~ Knowing that marriage exisits to teach people how to love one another as God loves us, I yearned to treat my hsuband as a precious gift.  My heavenly Father loves my husband as he is and He sees us both as more valuable than things. I must get outside of myself, my needs, and my perception and adopt God's view and plan for us as His couple.  When I look at conflict as an opportunity to grow, I find an alternative to frustration and despair. When I use our marriage as a place where I can learn more about giving and receiving love, I will be living fully in Jesus name as I see with His eyes. Humbly I will clearly see my imperfections, and how my Father, my sweet Jesus issues me continuous mercy and grace...truly undeserved. 

I desire to experience a healthy, happy marriage in which we are both stretched to our full capacity of loving! Such a marriage includes the enrichment and benefit of inviting others into our home, our plans, our life. "Do NOT give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10: 25 ~ Co-dependency is born out of suffering as a child. When a parent does not affirm, encourage or validate a child's good work, conduct or personality, a child grows up to need constant validation from his mate. Depending on your mate to satisfy all your emotional needs is draining. Co-dependent people resent years of service to others; they are tightly wound and they give with the intention of being well thought of. A few CLUES that mark an adult as co-dependent are:

• A childhood experience left you feeling under appreciated
• You have difficulty remembering anything positive about your childhood
• You feel "stuck" or emotionally blocked when it comes to meeting new people 
• You struggle with anger, sadness or fear of rejection or abandonment
• Compulsive behaviors continue to disrupt your life (cleaning, work, love, sex)
• Despite hard work, you still find yourself in unsatisfying relationships
• You feel your efforts to please others has been unduly discounted. 
• You reject new ideas and stick to safe rituals of thinking.
• You criticize others and quickly reject change. 

 As a result of my childhood I grew up looking to "fit in" and to "be liked" and to receive admiration for what a generous, kind person I am. Meeting others peoples needs was my focus to the point that I lost my identitfy.  I found Jesus, and He gave me a highly respected family name.  Out of His love for me, He disciplined me and He admonished me in His word to forgive

myself, and to love myself as He loves and forgives me.  It is never my hearts intention to hurt, criticize, cause strife, or to cause any person grief, but I was compelled to examine my heart and speak the truth with kindness.  God's living and active Word says: "God is NOT unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Hebrews 6:10-12 NIV  ~ "All things are wearisome, more than one can say.....The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.  Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”?" Ecclesiastes 1 - The wisdom of God is unrefutable, unmistakable and completely deserving of our dedicated time to apply it to our life and be blessed by His pleasure in our HONEST relationship with Him, ouselves and each other. AMEN

CUBE WORK with END DATE

The City of Stockton requires a six month advance notice for retirement. July 1, 2013 the City began its new fiscal year with one certain employee departure. Stockton employs approximately 1,400 people. With 12 departments, the City of Stockton is a full-service city providing many public services. The Police Department oversees Neighborhood Services/ Code Enforcement where I have worked and learned so much about how a city operates. The Program Manager Ron Girard hired me in 2004, and when Ron retired, God brought in Richard Dean, for His purpose.  Richard introduced me to my husband Michael Hoyle. It has been a wonderful experience to work with so many colorful personalities.  Ron Girard, Sue Brause, Tracy LaBarber, Richard Dean, Cal Grigsby, Kim Council,, Bob Boswell, Lynne Smith, Lori Nielsen, Lin Gioseffi, Flo Medina, Jobi Spano, Stan Conley, Donna Pyeatt, Almarosa Vargas, Peter Lemos, Jeff Hunt, Dale Price, Tim Sallady, Steve Stavrakakis, JP, JW, Carrie Lane, Blake Froberg, Chuck LaMar, Jess Covarruvias, Steve Zerweck, Vic Kornacki, Glenn Lucas, Abel Jacquez, Robb Lopus, Ronald Martinez, AJ Nelson, Sabrina Zamora, Rhonda Archbold, Desiree Bambico, Ron Hiltcher, Dwight Brown, Marvi Hagan, Karen Daly, Ajay Powell, Fred Satariano, Gary Forsythe, Deanna Solina, Wendy Morrow, Barbara Atkinson, Pat Hunter. Today my official resignation letter was submitted and today I celebrate my memory of each individual who contributed to my career at the City.

Lin Gioseffi, Supervising Office Assistant                          July 1, 2013

Neighborhood Services

Stockton Police Department

22 E. Weber Street

Stockton, CA   95202

SUBJECT:  BARBARA ALLEY HOYLE’S RESIGNATION

Please accept this letter of resignation from my position as Secretary for the Stockton Police Department, Neighborhood Services Section effective December 31, 2013.  I am thrilled to enter the next chapter that God has planned for me as a community servant in Mexico.  

My position as Secretary for the City of Stockton, Neighborhood Services Section has enriched my understanding of the vital need for community service.  I believe that God strategically placed me in a place that would increase my compassion and capacity to serve a broad base of diverse needs.  My personal take away is far more than any contributions made.

As God is the One who leads me, it is His plan that I travel to Chapala, Jalisco and apply what I have gained in knowledge of City government in a new community.

I have been genuinely blessed by the awesome opportunity to work with such a wonderful family of uniquely gifted people!

Sincerely,

Barbara Alley Hoyle

Secretary